...for your protection

When it comes to the Homeland Security Department, I give up.

A Homeland Security database of national monuments, chemical plants, and other structures vulnerable to terror attacks is too faulty to accurately help divide federal funds to states and cities, according to the department's internal watchdog.

Much of the study by Homeland Security Inspector General Richard Skinner appears to have been completed before the department announced in May it would cut security grants to New York and Washington by 40% this year. But the report, which was released Tuesday, shows the real terror targets included an insect zoo, a bourbon festival, a bean fest, and a kangaroo conservation center. They represent vital assets identified in Florida, Illinois, Indiana, and Maryland.

A kangaroo conservation center really attracts al-Qaeda.

Other examples of what the report called "out-of-place assets" included a groundhog zoo, a flea market, a sporting goods shop, and a popcorn stand.

Oh brother!

The database "is not an accurate representation of the nation's critical infrastructure and key resources", inspectors concluded. You don't say! Additionally, the database "is not yet comprehensive enough to support the management and resource allocation decision-making envisioned by the National Infrastructure Protection Plan."

Maybe when I am retired.

There you have it: your Homeland Security Department at work for you!